What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
