She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
