just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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