do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
