May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
