What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
