Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
