You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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