Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
