Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
