just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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