if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have demons in me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
