yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
