in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
