How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Its about making memories worth repressing
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
