my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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