i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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