You really coming over, don't trick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
