I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Alive.
So much puke
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
