Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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