Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He shit in the fireplace
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
