I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
