I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i've created a new STD.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
