So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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