I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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