I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
