Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
