My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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