Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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