Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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