Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
