yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
