I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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