you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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