Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
