last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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