Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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