Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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