kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
