Farmville is her only friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize