The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
