I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
