There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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