honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
