I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
