well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
