so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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