I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize