no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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