his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
