I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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