btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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