Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
