I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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