Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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