Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
