he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
