i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
