I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
