i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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