The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
