Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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