I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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