Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
