Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize