saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
