Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
