i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
