4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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