hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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