I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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