she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no. you can't hotbox the world.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
