I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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