final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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